Fear Is Our Greatest Enemy
Maybe the sanest discussion on Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and any conflict in our lives
My eyes lit up a few days ago when I recognized a familiar face on a preview image for the famous YouTube channel of nonprofit TED.
I first encountered Ali Abu Awaad’s face while sorting old photos from the set of my employer’s Catholic television program. Ali was visiting as a member of Parents Circle Families Forum, touring the U.S. (at the time with Israeli Yuval Rahamim) thanks to Catholic Relief Services’ efforts to promote peace.
Beauty & The Beast
Ali and Yuvahl’s visit came just a few months after my own personal experience in Israel and Palestine, during my pilgrimage in October and November 2010. Thanks to a generous soul who sponsored me, I encountered first-hand the beauty and the ugliness of our Holy Land —
beauty in the warm faces who eagerly shared ancestral connections to the apostles, laughter over lovingly-prepared meals,
ugliness in the fear that drove a soldier to pull me apart from my group and interrogate me with a machine gun, and in that so-called ‘separation barrier’ taller than the Berlin Wall.
I had many experiences on that journey which I will continue to share in our letters here, over time.
One that comes to mind now is from our group’s final night in Jerusalem. We gathered in our hotel conference room for an interfaith dialogue. Because the pilgrimage was, in part, for a women’s organization, three women were invited to speak about their grassroots efforts to spread goodwill: a Christian, a Muslim, and Jewish woman. As we took our seats, we saw only two women, and soon learned that the Muslim woman had been prevented from crossing the border — a common problem for Palestinians.
Her absence created a palatable vacuum through the duration of the discussion; an embodiment (or, whatever the opposite of that would be) of the absences and losses with which the people of the Holy Land live every day. The three women were familiar, however, and our missing panelist’s personality and contributions were praised by her friends, nonetheless.
Not Just A Ceasefire
While I’m glad that awareness of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict has been heightened lately, that awareness has come at an all-too-costly price.
Like every ‘political issue,’ observers lob opinions at one another like kids in a snowball fight — packing together freshly-gained facts or fictions (or half-truths) into weapons that sting and bruise as long as the weather’s cold. Far and near, I’ve heard utter nonsense, and I’ve seen well-meaning but unhelpful rhetoric.
This isn’t just about the Holy Land.
We all experience daily-life conflicts, wars, and grudges in our homes, workplaces, or in our increasingly-tense political climate. Our human experience is one of warmongering or peacemaking.
You will hear some of the most helpful and effective conflict resolution assertions in this TED-facilitated conversation between Ali and Israeli Ami Dar. Please listen, bookmark, take notes.
Highlights include:
Most people want peace yesterday, not tomorrow.
If we want to change the current reality, we need alternatives.
People fear solutions and peace; both require courage.
Competitions of victimization about ‘who suffers more,’ have no winners.
When people buy-in to a ‘the world hates us anyway’ victim mentality, punishing them only encourages the perpetuation of this narrative. Incentives are more effective. (“Sticks vs. Carrots”)
All ‘sides’ have extremists. Dealing with your own extremes and failures is necessary for change.
Recognition of mutual responsibility is necessary to create lasting peace.
Peace is created when we create a values-based social environment that can facilitate it.
Truthful education about ‘the other side’ is necessary for peace.
The Other must be seen as equally human. This requires us to truly love ourselves, and to teach this love to our children.
Make and keep authentic friendships with ‘the other side.’