Dear friend,
This week was tough!! I had plans. I was going to do great things. At least, that was what my will said. All the rest of me said,
“Absolutely not.”
This is a story of learning about the mysteries of God and of our society.
Shut Eye
My Sunday night worsened a pattern of insomnia and nighttime anxiety which compounded into Moonday — that historic day for us who live in the 2024 total lunar eclipse’s path of totality — as one of the absolute worst fibromyalgia days I’ve had in years.
Insomnia has a way of hijacking our personalities; it’s partially why our neighbors who sleep on the streets are chronically unhealthy, stressed, and without a home.1 Insomnia and fibromyalgia’s perfect storm happened in me last Monday, and I lived through a nightmare… complete with a disappearing sun.
Oh, and did I mention this was the day after Divine Mercy Sunday? Well, it was, and I was angry at God. The ironic timing was painfully and embarrassingly obvious, but as I begrudgingly poured milk into my oatmeal, I nonetheless yelled my grievances through tears;
“I want to do good things! I want to help people! Why aren’t you letting me?!”
Since I was an absolute mess, I was at home instead of work. I sat on a lawn chair swatting mosquitos while my husband had a spiritual experience with this rare eclipse and his bride by his side. After we returned indoors and he kept gushing about it in awe, even through my exhaustion I realized that God had turned our trouble and my Sick Day into a deeply meaningful memory for my husband.
Looking out the window, I moaned, “Alright... fine. I see You.”
Walk It Off
I noticed other friends and acquaintances posting online about their own difficulties sleeping this week.
During a visit to my doctor’s office on Thursday, I was reminded that our bodies work with hormone levels (among other factors) to maintain mental and physical health, and that these levels are not entirely out of our control.
A physician and therapist friend contacted me about the above Instagram post yesterday, excitedly attesting to its veracity.
Perhaps I shouldn’t wonder, then, why my sleep and health have spiraled lately; I’d put my walking routine on pause. Typically, for the last couple of months, I was walking for 30 minutes every other day — even if indoors.
My primary healthcare provider reminded me that walking (and other exercise) helps to regulate hormone levels, improving both physical and mental health.
Walking also increases problem-solving and creativity, according to studies like this one from Stanford University.
Given the recent Sunday Gospel readings about how Jesus accompanied two distressed disciples while they were walking along, I imagine that he knew they would be more receptive to him because they were “walking along.”
After these two disciples returned to the others who’d been locked up in fear, Jesus appeared to them all:
The two disciples recounted what had taken place on the way,
and how Jesus was made known to them
in the breaking of bread.
While they were still speaking about this,
he stood in their midst and said to them,
"Peace be with you."2
Table Manners
Of course, the major element of the Emmaus story is that Jesus ate with them. This, too, he does in Jerusalem:
While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed,
he asked them, "Have you anything here to eat?"
They gave him a piece of baked fish;
he took it and ate it in front of them.3
This weekend, a Twitch livestreamer asked his audience, “How many of you watch something (on a screen) while you eat your meals?” I was unsurprised as almost everyone who responded in the chat box did so positively, then followed with jokes about our impending WALL-E future. (Did I mention the sandwich in front of me while I was observing all of this?)
True, this was an audience of people watching a Twitch livestream… but given how fast food, pre-packaged, delivered meals, ‘cooking for one,’ fasting and ‘juicing’ have increased in highly industrialized societies, it’s easy to see that communal meals are not the standard.
The following conclusions4 were drawn from data collected almost 10 years ago.5 I imagine the stats are much steeper now.
Researchers found that people who eat socially are more likely to feel better about themselves and have a wider social network capable of providing social and emotional support.
Despite the clear correlation between social eating and social bonding, with 76% of those questioned saying that they thought sharing a meal was a good way to bring people closer together, the survey shows that many meals in the UK are eaten alone.
A third of weekday evening meals are eaten in isolation, and the average adult eats 10 meals out of 21 alone every week. Busy lives and hectic work schedules are the main causes of this solitary dining trend.
We know our behavioral patterns are unhealthy, yet we perpetuate them. Why?
I’ve been contemplating the sense of a victim mentality that I’ve developed over the last few years based on societal expectations surrounding work. Has it always been “society’s fault” that I’ve arrived home after a heavy commute every day just to collapse until it was time to get ready to repeat the same cycle? My victim mentality limited my foreseeable options, convinced me that I didn’t have “the right circumstances” or “the right tools” to exercise as I needed. It was simply out of my control.
Except, it wasn’t.
Of course, everyone has true limitations. Societal and structural injustices are real; I’m not doubting that. I’m also a strong believer that some health issues are truly out of our control and can only be managed as best we can.
At the same time, I’ve realized that I was the only thing keeping me from lacing up my tennis shoes after dinner and walking for 30 minutes in the house. This is a factor that is truly in my control.
For you, that factor may be different. However, for all of us, a change must come. If we’re not healthy, and we’re not happy, then we need to change.
To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often. - John Henry Cardinal Newman
Many people know that our current progress and the mere amassing of things and pleasures are not enough to give meaning and joy to the human heart, yet they feel unable to give up what the market sets before them. In those countries which should be making the greatest changes in consumer habits, young people have a new ecological sensitivity and a generous spirit, and some of them are making admirable efforts to protect the environment. At the same time, they have grown up in a milieu of extreme consumerism and affluence which makes it difficult to develop other habits. We are faced with an educational challenge.6
And a mentality challenge. And a creativity challenge. Our body and mind and spirit, and all their crises, are connected.
We need to learn new ways of living — and that starts at home, with you and me.
What new ways are you learning?
Looking forward to change,
Angela
Third Sunday of Easter, Lectionary: 47. Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Ibid.
Dunbar, R. I. M. “Breaking Bread: the Functions of Social Eating.” The Journal of Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology: Volume 3, pages 198–211, (2017).
Pope Francis, Laudato si’, no. 209.
You might like this from Dr. Soares: https://www.thecompletecatholic.com/post/wellness-of-the-mind-body-spirit
Our internal and external behaviors are the culmination of everything we experience and what we ultimately decide to do in freedom (to which you alluded). Your post echoes St. Paul (Rm 7:19). Saying a prayer for you to have grace and (God-willing) physical relief from your illness. Happy Easter, Angela! May we all leave the tomb as Jesus did.